2012 In Review 009 - The Kirby Lands
Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:19 am
Pre-Thoughts:
Ashamed to admit I've been dreading this one. I like Fnrrf alright, I remember OkeDoke was sort of cool, but everything I've heard about this game is that it's very long and somewhat slow. I remember
thinking the Kirby Lands thing was a joke when I first read about it, and then it took me even longer to realize he was basing character design on Kirby. I mean, that's not a terrible thing. Better Kirby than Sonic, at least. I can't imagine it's gonna take itself too seriously given the Kirby basis, so hopefully it'll make up for the RPGism with jokes.
Thoughts during game:
Cool logo-splash and title screen!
..don't EVER start your game off with an unwinnable battle! Especially not one that takes longer than a couple of seconds!
Okay, 8 minutes in and I finally get to start pushing buttons. That's waaaay too long.
No idea what I'm supposed to be doing. If I weren't writing a review, I would quit right here.
You should never have to buy equipment right off the bat: if you have to buy equipment off the bat, you should've just started with it. going to the shop is not fun!
ANOTHER unwinnable battle?!
20 minutes in: I have bought equipment, watched cutscenes and been in TWO unwinnable battles. Where's the sliming game, when do I get to do stuff
Music in this town has a hitch when it loops.
SHOW, DON'T TELL! God, these white text on black backdrop cutscenes!
Appreciate the "Use Rage Thrice" Special ability thing. A nice touch.
DO NOT appreciate the game automatically closing on game over, forcing me to restart the EXE to try again
...and that cool logo-splash and title screen are non-skippable
Enemy that did 75% of my health in damage dropped 6 KP... 20% of the cost of the inn... and that's one of the rare ones that gives money!
Can't beat what's her face in the Library's basement. Don't feel like trying again.
Post-thoughts:
Okay, we got a lot of common OHR-RPG mistakes here. We got some cool stuff, some really cool attempts at stuff, but a lot of megaslime too. I'm giving up because I am totally stuck. I do not have enough money to use the inn, I probably would not make it to the stairs even if I did. Enemies are not giving me enough money to make it worth fighting them, and they ae doing enough damage before I can run away that it is also inefficient. Being able to dodge is somewhat useless when you're on your own, when enemies can stun you, and can do half of your damage in a single hit. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
This game makes the #1 RPG Mistake: It drastically overestimates the players desire to play it. Like I said earlier, it's nearly ten mnutes before you can do anything, and almost immediately after you're thrown into more cutscenes, pointless wandering, and an unwinnable battle. When your first two battles are unwinnable, it makes the player feel like they are just being railroaded along by your story. I'm not saying games can't have an intro or that they shouldn't have cutscenes in general, but when so much of your game it cutscenes you rely on the cutscenes to be engrossing. Having 12 god damn textboxes of "ARE YOU THE KING?" "YEAH I'M THE KING" "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD KING?" "DUNNO" "I BET IT WAS SOMETHING BAD" "MAYBE" "YOURE PISSING ME OFF" "YEAH I DO THAT" "WE SHOULD FIGHT" "NOT YET" "WHY NOT" "OKAY NOW" and then an unwinnable battle is a waste of my time and makes me want to play something else. Also, when I die (For real, that is, in the battles where I'm allowed to) the game quits to desktop. Probably a side effect of that cool little title screen. Which you can't skip. Putting even more precious seconds between me and your game. You can't give a guy an excuse to quit, or he will. Playing your game should be the easiest god damn move to make!
It also makes the #2 RPG mistake which is that everything is too damn slow and you usually end up just holding the space bar and waiting for it to be over.
Secondly, you need to decide what the hell kind of a game this is. If it's going to be a serious game, be a serious game. If it's gonna be a goofy game, be a goofy game. But don't sit here and expect me to enjoy endless discussions of the history of a race of GOD DAMN KIRBIES and their crocodile king! I can't take it seriously and it wants to be! And some of the stuff that would be funny if it were a lazy silly game isn't as funny when you've got troubling racial issues, like crocodiles eating Kirbies at the cafe.
The ultimate problem, and the reason I am writing this angry review instead of playing more of your game is that I got stuck. Made some bad choices equipment wise, decided to wander down to the castle and see if I could sneak in, blew some money on inn trips and the enemies did'nt give me enough money to recoup my losses. Most encounters gave me no money and took away HP which needed 30 KP to restore. One of the few battles I ran into that gave moeny had an enemy who did like 28 damage to my 42 health, and who gave me 5 KP. That meanas for every 3 times I die, I can heal once. That's not good. It also wasn't a lot of fun being in that basement with only one guy and with enemies who could stun me, and my only choice was to "ATTACK" or "DODGE". Dodging is pointless when you're on your own! Dodging isn't gonna kill the enemies any faster. And there's a chance they might hit you even if you try.
I feel like I might be missing out on a lot here, but I just don't have the endurance to hold the spacebar down for another twenty minutes to get back to where I was. I guess I would still suggest the game, if you're a fan of this longer kind of OHR Game? If you don't mind the game telling you about things instead of letting you do them? If you're a guy whose DeviantArt is covered with what you and your friends would look like as Kirby? If you're willing to be careful not to screw yourself over by EXPLORING THE WORLD THAT IS AVAILABLE TO YOU?! Then yeah, you might like it. Characters are cute and likable, graphics are pretty good. I actually could've done without the 8-Bitness, but I don't know if that was mandatory for a contest or what. Maybe I'm not giving it a fair chance, maybe it didn't give me a fair chance. Who knows?
Ashamed to admit I've been dreading this one. I like Fnrrf alright, I remember OkeDoke was sort of cool, but everything I've heard about this game is that it's very long and somewhat slow. I remember
thinking the Kirby Lands thing was a joke when I first read about it, and then it took me even longer to realize he was basing character design on Kirby. I mean, that's not a terrible thing. Better Kirby than Sonic, at least. I can't imagine it's gonna take itself too seriously given the Kirby basis, so hopefully it'll make up for the RPGism with jokes.
Thoughts during game:
Cool logo-splash and title screen!
..don't EVER start your game off with an unwinnable battle! Especially not one that takes longer than a couple of seconds!
Okay, 8 minutes in and I finally get to start pushing buttons. That's waaaay too long.
No idea what I'm supposed to be doing. If I weren't writing a review, I would quit right here.
You should never have to buy equipment right off the bat: if you have to buy equipment off the bat, you should've just started with it. going to the shop is not fun!
ANOTHER unwinnable battle?!
20 minutes in: I have bought equipment, watched cutscenes and been in TWO unwinnable battles. Where's the sliming game, when do I get to do stuff
Music in this town has a hitch when it loops.
SHOW, DON'T TELL! God, these white text on black backdrop cutscenes!
Appreciate the "Use Rage Thrice" Special ability thing. A nice touch.
DO NOT appreciate the game automatically closing on game over, forcing me to restart the EXE to try again
...and that cool logo-splash and title screen are non-skippable
Enemy that did 75% of my health in damage dropped 6 KP... 20% of the cost of the inn... and that's one of the rare ones that gives money!
Can't beat what's her face in the Library's basement. Don't feel like trying again.
Post-thoughts:
Okay, we got a lot of common OHR-RPG mistakes here. We got some cool stuff, some really cool attempts at stuff, but a lot of megaslime too. I'm giving up because I am totally stuck. I do not have enough money to use the inn, I probably would not make it to the stairs even if I did. Enemies are not giving me enough money to make it worth fighting them, and they ae doing enough damage before I can run away that it is also inefficient. Being able to dodge is somewhat useless when you're on your own, when enemies can stun you, and can do half of your damage in a single hit. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
This game makes the #1 RPG Mistake: It drastically overestimates the players desire to play it. Like I said earlier, it's nearly ten mnutes before you can do anything, and almost immediately after you're thrown into more cutscenes, pointless wandering, and an unwinnable battle. When your first two battles are unwinnable, it makes the player feel like they are just being railroaded along by your story. I'm not saying games can't have an intro or that they shouldn't have cutscenes in general, but when so much of your game it cutscenes you rely on the cutscenes to be engrossing. Having 12 god damn textboxes of "ARE YOU THE KING?" "YEAH I'M THE KING" "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD KING?" "DUNNO" "I BET IT WAS SOMETHING BAD" "MAYBE" "YOURE PISSING ME OFF" "YEAH I DO THAT" "WE SHOULD FIGHT" "NOT YET" "WHY NOT" "OKAY NOW" and then an unwinnable battle is a waste of my time and makes me want to play something else. Also, when I die (For real, that is, in the battles where I'm allowed to) the game quits to desktop. Probably a side effect of that cool little title screen. Which you can't skip. Putting even more precious seconds between me and your game. You can't give a guy an excuse to quit, or he will. Playing your game should be the easiest god damn move to make!
It also makes the #2 RPG mistake which is that everything is too damn slow and you usually end up just holding the space bar and waiting for it to be over.
Secondly, you need to decide what the hell kind of a game this is. If it's going to be a serious game, be a serious game. If it's gonna be a goofy game, be a goofy game. But don't sit here and expect me to enjoy endless discussions of the history of a race of GOD DAMN KIRBIES and their crocodile king! I can't take it seriously and it wants to be! And some of the stuff that would be funny if it were a lazy silly game isn't as funny when you've got troubling racial issues, like crocodiles eating Kirbies at the cafe.
The ultimate problem, and the reason I am writing this angry review instead of playing more of your game is that I got stuck. Made some bad choices equipment wise, decided to wander down to the castle and see if I could sneak in, blew some money on inn trips and the enemies did'nt give me enough money to recoup my losses. Most encounters gave me no money and took away HP which needed 30 KP to restore. One of the few battles I ran into that gave moeny had an enemy who did like 28 damage to my 42 health, and who gave me 5 KP. That meanas for every 3 times I die, I can heal once. That's not good. It also wasn't a lot of fun being in that basement with only one guy and with enemies who could stun me, and my only choice was to "ATTACK" or "DODGE". Dodging is pointless when you're on your own! Dodging isn't gonna kill the enemies any faster. And there's a chance they might hit you even if you try.
I feel like I might be missing out on a lot here, but I just don't have the endurance to hold the spacebar down for another twenty minutes to get back to where I was. I guess I would still suggest the game, if you're a fan of this longer kind of OHR Game? If you don't mind the game telling you about things instead of letting you do them? If you're a guy whose DeviantArt is covered with what you and your friends would look like as Kirby? If you're willing to be careful not to screw yourself over by EXPLORING THE WORLD THAT IS AVAILABLE TO YOU?! Then yeah, you might like it. Characters are cute and likable, graphics are pretty good. I actually could've done without the 8-Bitness, but I don't know if that was mandatory for a contest or what. Maybe I'm not giving it a fair chance, maybe it didn't give me a fair chance. Who knows?