http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtop ... =4157#4157
Download the first week here! Send me your votes by PM or as indicated in the game file by this coming Wednesday. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
Week Two is already on its way, so after results are up, I'll adjust the week depending on who gets voted off.
Anyway, hope three OHR Houses at once aren't too much to handle at once, I think it'll be fine since there are long delays inbetween different Houses. Initially, I was going to release the first week months back, but RMZ unexpectedly released Heroes.
Hope you like it.
OHR House K - Week Three
Moderators: Bob the Hamster, marionline, SDHawk
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
OHR House K - Week Three
Last edited by Only One In All on Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
-
Newbie Newtype
- Reigning Smash Champion
- Posts: 1873
- Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 9:44 pm
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
You totally got me there. How exactly did I do that?
Although I think a more original name than just "OHR House" again would be better, the fact that the contestants are all original characters definitely sets it apart.
Honestly though, I didn't like it. There were so many characters that they didn't really stand out, and well, I didn't like any of the characters anyway. Here are some of my concerns:
- In general every character seems to have one personality trait, which doesn't make for interesting characters. It also makes annoying characters like Javier even more annoying cause they never stop talking about their one trait (wanting to slime Asian women, in his case). And these traits didn't vary all that much, I had a hard time telling everyone apart. This was a graphical problem too though, everyone looked really similar except for the three weirdos.
- The first scene with everyone coming into the house was extremely fast and I couldn't tell who was speaking to whom. Watch the OHR House 3 introduction: a few characters come in at one time, we get to know them a little, then the next ones come in, and so on. It's much easier to watch that way.
- Why are Araik and Darryl separate characters? We've got a macho racist jerk and a macho semi-jerk, and I don't recall any situation where they interact with each other or anything else that would depend on both of them existing.
- Sevan and Daniel both fail as "wacky" characters. Sevan is just gross, and Daniel just "mispells" his speech which is boring. The scene where they briefly become friends is kinda funny though. Freak is better but not great. She at least creates some minor chaos.
- Some of the characters never even do anything. Rebecca just watches Javier a few times, Sammy watches TV with Yuli, Cindy chats with people. It seemed like none of that stuff ever added up to anything. Like Araik and Darryl, it seems like these characters could have been combined too. You'd just have a smart, cheery girl who likes Javier for some reason. Chris and Christina never do anything aside from trying to explain what their deal is. I think they could have been used better. I mean, you've got this really weird character/pair of characters, and it never amounts to anything. Is nobody at least freaked out by them?
- I really liked the idea of Araik buying everyone food with stolen money in order to get on everyone's good side. However, I don't think you used this to its fullest extent. This could've been a great storyline for Araik and Javier: Araik steals his money to trick people into liking him, while Javier goes around trying to convince everyone that Araik is bad news. Some people might believe Javier (like Yuli), some would think he was lying to get ahead, etc. Instead, the episode felt like a relatively disconnected set of events, with nothing moving it forward.
- Your maps could use some brightening up. In a few rooms of the house everything just looks black, which is really unpleasant to look at.
I don't want to discourage you, I think the show can be improved. I was impressed by how much there was, it seemed like it was way longer than any episode of OHR House, so it seems like you're putting a lot of effort into it. I think if you divert some of that effort into giving your characters more substance and giving the plot more continuity the next weeks will be a lot better.
Honestly though, I didn't like it. There were so many characters that they didn't really stand out, and well, I didn't like any of the characters anyway. Here are some of my concerns:
- In general every character seems to have one personality trait, which doesn't make for interesting characters. It also makes annoying characters like Javier even more annoying cause they never stop talking about their one trait (wanting to slime Asian women, in his case). And these traits didn't vary all that much, I had a hard time telling everyone apart. This was a graphical problem too though, everyone looked really similar except for the three weirdos.
- The first scene with everyone coming into the house was extremely fast and I couldn't tell who was speaking to whom. Watch the OHR House 3 introduction: a few characters come in at one time, we get to know them a little, then the next ones come in, and so on. It's much easier to watch that way.
- Why are Araik and Darryl separate characters? We've got a macho racist jerk and a macho semi-jerk, and I don't recall any situation where they interact with each other or anything else that would depend on both of them existing.
- Sevan and Daniel both fail as "wacky" characters. Sevan is just gross, and Daniel just "mispells" his speech which is boring. The scene where they briefly become friends is kinda funny though. Freak is better but not great. She at least creates some minor chaos.
- Some of the characters never even do anything. Rebecca just watches Javier a few times, Sammy watches TV with Yuli, Cindy chats with people. It seemed like none of that stuff ever added up to anything. Like Araik and Darryl, it seems like these characters could have been combined too. You'd just have a smart, cheery girl who likes Javier for some reason. Chris and Christina never do anything aside from trying to explain what their deal is. I think they could have been used better. I mean, you've got this really weird character/pair of characters, and it never amounts to anything. Is nobody at least freaked out by them?
- I really liked the idea of Araik buying everyone food with stolen money in order to get on everyone's good side. However, I don't think you used this to its fullest extent. This could've been a great storyline for Araik and Javier: Araik steals his money to trick people into liking him, while Javier goes around trying to convince everyone that Araik is bad news. Some people might believe Javier (like Yuli), some would think he was lying to get ahead, etc. Instead, the episode felt like a relatively disconnected set of events, with nothing moving it forward.
- Your maps could use some brightening up. In a few rooms of the house everything just looks black, which is really unpleasant to look at.
I don't want to discourage you, I think the show can be improved. I was impressed by how much there was, it seemed like it was way longer than any episode of OHR House, so it seems like you're putting a lot of effort into it. I think if you divert some of that effort into giving your characters more substance and giving the plot more continuity the next weeks will be a lot better.
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
I realize the week doesn't really have anything that moves it along, but starting at week two, this problem should be fixed as a continuous plot does begin. I wanted week one to sort of be an introductory week where you just get to know the characters a bit, just a warm up week. I didn't realize they were that hard to distinguish, though I did feel some of them would probably blend in with one another, so I'm trying to work on that for week two.
I'll go back and revise week one as well as per your comments. You're right about the Araik/Javier and Chris/Christina story bits not being used to the fullest extent though. I'll have to definitely work on that. I do think though that week two will solve more problems than create.
I hope week one didn't make such a bad impression that you won't even want to watch week two. Is there anything that you DID like about the show?
EDIT: I also think part of the problem with the plot and character growth is I write all the script ahead of time because I worry that writing it as I go will cause me to not develop all the characters properly or write myself into a hole. Pretty ironic. I'll just need to be more careful about the future weeks being written.
I'll go back and revise week one as well as per your comments. You're right about the Araik/Javier and Chris/Christina story bits not being used to the fullest extent though. I'll have to definitely work on that. I do think though that week two will solve more problems than create.
I hope week one didn't make such a bad impression that you won't even want to watch week two. Is there anything that you DID like about the show?
EDIT: I also think part of the problem with the plot and character growth is I write all the script ahead of time because I worry that writing it as I go will cause me to not develop all the characters properly or write myself into a hole. Pretty ironic. I'll just need to be more careful about the future weeks being written.
Last edited by Only One In All on Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
In writing classes, I often heard variations on "I wanted to give the reader time to get to know the characters" as a justification for a slowly moving or uneventful plot. I understand this motivation, but the problem with it is that action and conflict are the very best ways to show character. We get to know characters better by seeing them engaged with something than by seeing them chatting amongst themselves (though there's certainly a place for the latter too).
I do plan on watching week 2, and probably more after that. I like the general idea of an OHR House-like show featuring original characters, and if the large cast is differentiated more and is made to interact more you could make it into a feature rather than a flaw.
I don't think writing the script ahead of time is a problem at all! It's essential. If anything the episode felt insufficiently planned. If you can figure out a way to give each character something to do and some conflict with other characters, it'll help each of them stand out and make the show as a whole more interesting.
I do plan on watching week 2, and probably more after that. I like the general idea of an OHR House-like show featuring original characters, and if the large cast is differentiated more and is made to interact more you could make it into a feature rather than a flaw.
I don't think writing the script ahead of time is a problem at all! It's essential. If anything the episode felt insufficiently planned. If you can figure out a way to give each character something to do and some conflict with other characters, it'll help each of them stand out and make the show as a whole more interesting.
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
Great, thanks for the information, and that should be good, because I actually had conflict planned for the weeks ahead that would take into account the whole cast. I guess with that and better planning now (thanks to you catching me before I've gotten too far ahead), each upcoming week should get better. Thanks!Mazin wrote:I understand this motivation, but the problem with it is that action and conflict are the very best ways to show character. We get to know characters better by seeing them engaged with something than by seeing them chatting amongst themselves (though there's certainly a place for the latter too).
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
Week One results and Week Two is here!
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtop ... =4157#4157
Something evil has attacked the house in the second week... how will the housemates handle this situation?
Also to note:
You can now adjust the brightness if for some reason, it's needed, but if your computer screen is optimally adjusted, I don't see how this should be an issue (My gamma is 1.0, Brightness 0, and Contrast 40). Regardless, it can now be set to be a little higher.
Also, the beginning part of day one has been changed so that everyone doesn't walk in and leave super fast. Events in Week Two are all pretty much connected, save one.
Hopefully this week is better than the first. Comments and suggestions appreciated.
Voting ends on August 27th.
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtop ... =4157#4157
Something evil has attacked the house in the second week... how will the housemates handle this situation?
Also to note:
You can now adjust the brightness if for some reason, it's needed, but if your computer screen is optimally adjusted, I don't see how this should be an issue (My gamma is 1.0, Brightness 0, and Contrast 40). Regardless, it can now be set to be a little higher.
Also, the beginning part of day one has been changed so that everyone doesn't walk in and leave super fast. Events in Week Two are all pretty much connected, save one.
Hopefully this week is better than the first. Comments and suggestions appreciated.
Voting ends on August 27th.
Last edited by Only One In All on Thu Aug 21, 2008 8:41 am, edited 3 times in total.
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
-
Pepsi Ranger
- Liquid Metal Slime
- Posts: 1457
- Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 6:25 am
- Location: South Florida
I'm still not a fan of the explicit dialogue spoken from Araik and Daniel, and to be honest I almost turned the game off after Day One because of it, but I thought the episode was worth toughing it out for. More interesting than last week, pretty creepy, and the characters finally had some purpose. Definitely the strangest of the OHR House series of games. I didn't like that last week's booted contestant had no resolution, though. How did she respond? What did the other contestants think? No one spoke a word of her and I was a bit surprised by that.
Place Obligatory Signature Here
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
Ack. Will fix that for the Week Three release.
Also, I know Araik has a lot of derogatory lines (hence the warning before the download), but what do you mean by Daniel? Do you simply mean the scene where Araik and Daniel are talking, or is it Daniel's style of dialogue that bugs you?
Glad you liked the Week Two conflict though.
Also, I know Araik has a lot of derogatory lines (hence the warning before the download), but what do you mean by Daniel? Do you simply mean the scene where Araik and Daniel are talking, or is it Daniel's style of dialogue that bugs you?
Glad you liked the Week Two conflict though.
The good news: this week is loads better than the first. A lot more happened and more of the characters got involved. Things I liked:
- I enjoyed how, after Cindy mentioned she had seen Jane too, Linda told everyone about Cindy "talking to herself." It made the episode more of a continuous whole, which is a very good thing.
- The scene where Rebecca first finds monster-Jane was suitably scary, and the way Cindy just stands there and watches while Jane chases around everyone else was pretty funny.
- Putting four characters up for a vote and kicking out two is a good idea.
- It's good that Kiwi and Jessica appeared more this episode and some focus was shifted away from Javier (who was way too much the center of the first episode).
- It's easy to make a cast where some people are always the good guys and some are always jerks, so it was a good idea to make Freak and Darryl the only ones to even try fighting Jane. It made them a bit more likeable.
Things that still need work:
- So, Araik uses racial slurs. That doesn't really bother me (though it's not done in a funny or interesting way). But saying that black people are so stupid and violent that they'll kill anyone who says "slime of color" is way more racist than anything Araik says. I'm not saying I'm offended and will stop watching or anything, just that it's something you should be aware of. It doesn't seem like you're doing it on purpose as satire, so it just makes the show and characters look hypocritical.
- The scene where Javier and Chris each think the other is gay wasn't very interesting. Try having one see the other in a compromising position or something, not just "I think you're gay!" "Well, I think you're gay!" I'm going to just leave "gay" in its censored state instead of trying to get around it. I suspect you know what I'm talking about anyway. In any case, it'd be better to make events about the question of their sexuality instead of just having them talk about it.
- Brevity! Your dialogue is really wordy and could use some trimming. I'm not saying the episode or its scenes were too long, just that each individual textbox was packed full of words. This made a lot of the dialogue sound unnatural. Like when Kiwi jumped into Rebecca's bed she said "Who're you? Another person of the night?" or some such thing. The second sentence isn't necessary there and doesn't seem like something a person would actually say.
- I enjoyed how, after Cindy mentioned she had seen Jane too, Linda told everyone about Cindy "talking to herself." It made the episode more of a continuous whole, which is a very good thing.
- The scene where Rebecca first finds monster-Jane was suitably scary, and the way Cindy just stands there and watches while Jane chases around everyone else was pretty funny.
- Putting four characters up for a vote and kicking out two is a good idea.
- It's good that Kiwi and Jessica appeared more this episode and some focus was shifted away from Javier (who was way too much the center of the first episode).
- It's easy to make a cast where some people are always the good guys and some are always jerks, so it was a good idea to make Freak and Darryl the only ones to even try fighting Jane. It made them a bit more likeable.
Things that still need work:
- So, Araik uses racial slurs. That doesn't really bother me (though it's not done in a funny or interesting way). But saying that black people are so stupid and violent that they'll kill anyone who says "slime of color" is way more racist than anything Araik says. I'm not saying I'm offended and will stop watching or anything, just that it's something you should be aware of. It doesn't seem like you're doing it on purpose as satire, so it just makes the show and characters look hypocritical.
- The scene where Javier and Chris each think the other is gay wasn't very interesting. Try having one see the other in a compromising position or something, not just "I think you're gay!" "Well, I think you're gay!" I'm going to just leave "gay" in its censored state instead of trying to get around it. I suspect you know what I'm talking about anyway. In any case, it'd be better to make events about the question of their sexuality instead of just having them talk about it.
- Brevity! Your dialogue is really wordy and could use some trimming. I'm not saying the episode or its scenes were too long, just that each individual textbox was packed full of words. This made a lot of the dialogue sound unnatural. Like when Kiwi jumped into Rebecca's bed she said "Who're you? Another person of the night?" or some such thing. The second sentence isn't necessary there and doesn't seem like something a person would actually say.
-
Only One In All
- Metal Slime
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:56 am
- Contact:
I'm glad to hear that this week is a lot better than the first one. Just out of curiosity, did you recognize the game that the first evil Jane scene was referencing?
Regarding the parts still needing work:
- The racial part I realize, can get very offensive and controversial, but I personally didn't feel that the races shown waiting for Araik outside are made out so that they'll just violently kill someone who says the N word. I'm not sure what part you're referring to exactly, because Day Six does portray more than just one race being angry enough to come to the house to beat him up. If you can give me more details on why you interpreted that I was giving out a message that black people are stupid and violent enough to go insane over the N word, it'd be great so I can tweak dialogue to ensure this doesn't happen for future viewers of this week.
- Sorry to hear the Javier/Chris scene wasn't interesting. It does lead to another subplot though that will be more than just talk in week three.
- Will do. I will go back and trim dialogue for week two, and be careful about it for the future weeks.
- Also, 'Rebecca' is actually Jessica. Hopefully the name confusion isn't due to a lack of Jessica being an interesting character.
Thanks for watching!
Regarding the parts still needing work:
- The racial part I realize, can get very offensive and controversial, but I personally didn't feel that the races shown waiting for Araik outside are made out so that they'll just violently kill someone who says the N word. I'm not sure what part you're referring to exactly, because Day Six does portray more than just one race being angry enough to come to the house to beat him up. If you can give me more details on why you interpreted that I was giving out a message that black people are stupid and violent enough to go insane over the N word, it'd be great so I can tweak dialogue to ensure this doesn't happen for future viewers of this week.
- Sorry to hear the Javier/Chris scene wasn't interesting. It does lead to another subplot though that will be more than just talk in week three.
- Will do. I will go back and trim dialogue for week two, and be careful about it for the future weeks.
- Also, 'Rebecca' is actually Jessica. Hopefully the name confusion isn't due to a lack of Jessica being an interesting character.
Thanks for watching!