Silver Spooning - Close Encounters with Mr. Right

[Willy Elektrix]

For the past 6 months, I have been writing a Choose Your Adventure-style interactive fiction game with Twine. It's called Silver Spooning: Close Encounters with Mr. Right.

You can play it right now in your browser by clicking here!

Please give it a try! Tell me the first ending you got (but please use a spoiler tag). Notify me of any typos or things that do not make sense. Let me know your opinion.

If you have a wife or girlfriend, please have them play it too. I would like the opinions of more women.

What is this?

You are a woman. You just broke up with your boyfriend because he was really boring. It is time to meet someone new. You create an account on Silver Spooning, a dating website for the shamelessly rich. Will you meet the eccentric weirdo of your dreams?

Features:

*Save a life. Commit a murder. Have sex. Travel through time and space. Witness the extinction of the human race. Wear cool clothes. Find true love.

*20,000 words. 25 unique and memorable endings. Many meaningful choices.

[kylekrack]

Wow, that was a wild ride. Really interesting stories. I went out with Xavier, but I peeked at the other path a bit too. Amazing that there are so many outcomes. Really, really great implementation of interactive storytelling. Thanks for the experience.

I told Xavier it would be nice to have him be more human, just to be honest, but I was shocked when he ended up getting robotified for me. I cheated and went back one frame so he could turn me into a slime with him and we could become love soup.

[Willy Elektrix]

Thanks man! Coming up with so many different paths was the hardest part of writing this.

Of the two people that have read it so far (you and another), both have gotten the same ending. What are the chances of that?

[kylekrack]

We're those who like to live on the edge, I guess.

[TMC]

This is fantastic. I knew immediately that your writing would be great although I haven't sampled it in such long form before. I didn't have time to play this (is that the right word? "read"?) right when you posted it.

My first ending: I went on a second date with Struthers after he awoke from his coma

Yes, I'm surprised how many endings there are too. I've still only seen one part of Struther's story, maybe about 10 endings. What's great is that the results of almost every choice are beyond what I could predict, which is about as far from mundane as you can get.

Topiary isn't obscure; I think everyone knows about sculpted trees. I guess not everyone will recognise the word though.

I haven't seen any typos or anything else that stands out. I thought I did find one plot hole, but on going back and rereading the start I see you actually thought of it and covered it well:
You see Struther's photo on Silver Spooning before he meets you, but you wrote "He is attractive, but somehow indistinct. When you look away from his photo, you forget everything about him." And later, "The longer you look, the more handsome he becomes."

[Willy Elektrix]

Yes, I'm surprised how many endings there are too. I've still only seen one part of Struther's story, maybe about 10 endings. What's great is that the results of almost every choice are beyond what I could predict, which is about as far from mundane as you can get.

Topiary isn't obscure; I think everyone knows about sculpted trees. I guess not everyone will recognise the word though.

Thanks so much for playing! Were there any sections that you thought were too long, and involved too much reading before getting to the next choice?

You're right about topiary. I might rewrite the few lines that describe it as an obscure art form.

The endings are really weird mostly out of necessity. When I first started outlining the story, I came up with a few mundane paths where you have a nice date and fall in love. Then I realized that there are not nearly enough possible variations on that theme. Then I had to come up with all the endings involving time travel, plagues, crime, etc. in order to add some variety.

My girlfriend said that there were not enough happy endings. I like all the bittersweet ones (and the occasional sinister one), so I can't really bring myself to change them.

[TMC]

I'm not someone who minds long sections in CYOA books without choices, unless my character makes choices I strongly disagree with. Otherwise, those long sections let me just enjoy a good story. But ok, I guess you're asking whether I wanted more choices anywhere. Only a couple come to mind Such as the choice to ring the police instead of just going home after pushing Struthers off a cliff. Or possibly whether to go public with your baby. Neither of which is a long section.

As much as I enjoy CYOA interacive fiction, it also pains me when there's no one canonical version of the truth. I think all paths through the story should ideally be consistent with each other, otherwise it gets too confusing and immersion-breaking when you go back and try a different path. So far, all the facts across the paths I've seen agree with the exception that mind reading is not revealed in those storylines after you have too much to drink, and Struthers acts as if he can't, e.g "What do you mean?", but what shifts mostly between storylines are character personalities. Most significantly the player character's personality shifts a lot, but that could be desirable and fairly unavoidable (to fit the player choices). But aside from that:

The storylines where you get pregnant with Struthers are the weirdest. Struthers is quite different in them. There's also no real mention of what your relationship with him is if you choose to stay with him. Also not stated is whether your daughter can change her appearance, but I guess she must be able to. (That's all a bit rushed.)

Regarding shortage of happy endings, it was too bad that things almost never worked out (in particular you usually don't get a second chance; your decisions are final), but I liked the bittersweet endings... although I think I've only seen a single one where you end up in a genuine relationship with Struthers.

[Willy Elektrix]

Thanks for these detailed responses.

I'm not someone who minds long sections in CYOA books without choices, unless my character makes choices I strongly disagree with. Otherwise, those long sections let me just enjoy a good story. But ok, I guess you're asking whether I wanted more choices anywhere. Only a couple come to mind Such as the choice to ring the police instead of just going home after pushing Struthers off a cliff. Or possibly whether to go public with your baby. Neither of which is a long section.

If you don't ring the police after killing Struthers, I'm not quite sure how to make an interesting ending. For instance, you have been seen in public with him by a lot of people (i.e. Struthers' friends at the restaurant). You would realistically be found, and then questioned by the police which would ultimately result in a very similar to the one where you call the police.

Maybe you could become a fugitive from the law? That could be interesting. I suppose you could also wind up in jail too. In any case, I might expand this section and add a different choice.

The decision to raise the baby in secret is any oversight on my part. Theoretically, you could hide the baby until she learns to shapeshift and then have her live a normal life. I should probably make an ending like this.

As much as I enjoy CYOA interacive fiction, it also pains me when there's no one canonical version of the truth. I think all paths through the story should ideally be consistent with each other, otherwise it gets too confusing and immersion-breaking when you go back and try a different path. So far, all the facts across the paths I've seen agree with the exception that mind reading is not revealed in those storylines after you have too much to drink, and Struthers acts as if he can't, e.g "What do you mean?".

Yeah. If Struthers' were to reveal his ability to mind read in those segments, they would end up with a similar outcome to the sections on the island. That being said, I should clean up the passages where he should know what you are thinking, but cannot.

but what shifts mostly between storylines are character personalities. Most significantly the player character's personality shifts a lot, but that could be desirable and fairly unavoidable (to fit the player choices).

That's a little bit intentional. The goal was to have your choices somewhat define the character's personality. Of course, this is really difficult (maybe impossible). I'm not quite sure what to do about this right now, but I'll think about it.

The storylines where you get pregnant with Struthers are the weirdest. Struthers is quite different in them. There's also no real mention of what your relationship with him is if you choose to stay with him. Also not stated is whether your daughter can change her appearance, but I guess she must be able to. (That's all a bit rushed.)

My ideas was that Struthers' is predisposed to protect his offspring (even at your expense), which is why he acts erratic. I might need some rewriting here.

At one point there was a line that said something like, "You are Struthers may not be lovers anymore, but are still compatible parents." I took it out because that makes the ending seem unnecessarily sad. You are forced to live with Struthers even though you do not love him! Instead I just left it ambiguous. Maybe you are lovers, maybe you aren't. Decide what you want.

You are right, I definitely need to address your daughter's ability to shape change.

[Willy Elektrix]

TMC:

I just drafted an ending where you and Struthers keep the child a secret. I'll be adding and changing other stuff on the story based on your recommendations.

If you have any other ideas when you read the Xavier paths, let me know. You've really helped me a lot!

[TMC]

Cool! Hey wait, you forgot spoiler tags!

Yes, I realised the 'suggestions' I made weren't necessarily practical; they weren't entirely intended as suggestions but mainly as comments on how I reacted to parts of it. I actually hadn't considered that you'd necessarily been seen with Struthers at your date.

Yeah. If Struthers' were to reveal his ability to mind read in those segments, they would end up with a similar outcome to the sections on the island. That being said, I should clean up the passages where he should know what you are thinking, but cannot.

Ah, makes sense. That will make me happier.

That's a little bit intentional. The goal was to have your choices somewhat define the character's personality. Of course, this is really difficult (maybe impossible). I'm not quite sure what to do about this right now, but I'll think about it.

I don't see anything that needs to be done here. (I'm also not sure whether you meant that your choices should have a larger or smaller effect on the character's apparent personality; I assume larger.) The player character basically sticks consistently to many decisions you make, although of course many don't tell you much, and don't have an effect.

My ideas was that Struthers' is predisposed to protect his offspring (even at your expense), which is why he acts erratic. I might need some rewriting here

Well, it does make sense that you see much more of the Struthers once your pregnant. I did find it a bit odd that he wasn't better to do a better job of manipulating you, e.g. it was notable that he revealed his true form instead of morphing into something less threatening