2014 in Review: James Doppler's Epic Sci-Fi etc.

[Gizmog]

I gave this game a hard time about it's long title, but it actually makes a little sense in the context of the game. The story, what little there is, seems to be about an upcoming war between Sci-Fi fans and Fantasy fans. Our hero, James Doppler, supports the middle ground of Sci-Fi Fantasy. It reminds me a little of that Futurama bit about the great war between Star Wars and Star Trek fans, but that might be kind of a stretch. Otherwise, this is a crass RPG where you play a well-endowed young man who pounds a mitosis professional's pussy so hard she needs to abuse prescription painkillers after. This is an RPG where you go get a wizard some magic mushrooms and booze. It's the kind of RPG I used to make, only mine were funny, damnit!

The maps stretch out farther than they need to, and that spaces the jokes out farther than they need to. You gotta hit people rapid fire with it so they can't like, serious up. Also, just smokin a blunt or watching porn isn't funny, you gotta do something with that. The last little cutscene with the wizard and his drug dealer was a step in the right direction, but largely this thing falls flat into pointless vulgarity. The battles are slow, you get a gun but it's a step back from your default sword. Everything's pretty tedious. There's a few one liners I laugh at 'cause I'm kind of a jackass, but the rest is pretty ho-hum. It's about a 15 minute game, and most of that is walking back and forth on fetch quests, none of which feel particularly important. Would not recommend it at all. Maybe it'll get funnier and redeem itself in later versions, but.. probably should've waited to post it then. Supposedly there was a previous version that was even shorter and I can't imagine how pointless that must've been.

Just a stupid question, but do you people even play your own games? Do you even notice how long you sit in a battle with enter held down, just waiting for it to be over? Do you notice how the scorpions/monsters/whatever blend into the background? At least Megaman Sprite Game had some action in the battles, and had enemies thatm ade you laugh to look at 'em. Sometimes OHR games feel like those old nagware demos, you know? Where it'd pop up in the middleo f the game "Hey! You're enjoying this game! If you want to enjoy more, you should either wait a minute and read our spiel, or pay for the registered version!" only instead of something that ambitious I'm just holding down enter. Habla No Ingles was terrible, something I'm ashamed of to this day, but at least there were some alternate endings and tricks to the battle. Put some effort in, Jesus!