The 2013 In Review Contest [Reviews: 94]

C. Kane

I'm told this game became quite the hit! Why review it when it probably has thosands of reviews online. Let's search for some...

First result is a tumblr blog called "The Citizen Kane of Video Games" and has quotes from people about various "who is the X of Y', like "(Need For Speed is) Basically The 'Citizen Kane' of Movies Based on Video Games". Wow, all these memes the game has spawned. Truly cutting edge.

Next result is a Game Set Watch column called "Bell, Game, and Candle - 'IGN Reviews Citizen Kane: The Video Game". All these reviews, guys! Amazing! The article's about how the gaming-journalism-industrial complex's fantasy has been to find the Citizen Kane of video games. Apparently the game with that same title was announced by Square-Enix, and was met with universal disgust by IGN and who am I kidding, this article seems like some form of satire.

Maybe the next result will be about C. Kane, let's find out... it is! It's a Kotaku article about someone actually making a game for the running joke. Apparently, in a previous article about a game called "The Last of Us", it mentions the origins of this meme:

"[..]whenever a game this good comes out, inevitably some critic or other will compare it to Orson Welles' groundbreaking 1941 film.

Like clockwork, Empire released their early review of the game and concluded by saying that in addition to being one of the best games of this console generation, The Last of Us "may also prove to be gaming's Citizen Kane moment." Across the Internet, a thousand heads met a thousand desks."

That's cool and all, but what about this video game? The actual C. Kane video game? Maybe some of the poeple in the comment section played it and can share what makes it so good. Let's pull some quotes...

DJ_KooPee says "You know, I'm getting so bored of this Citizen Kane of... schtick"

Mythos says "we are finally serious art - we have our own Citizen Kane!"

Paul Harrington says "I hope it's still fun to play for the hour or two it lasts even if the story's all a big joke."

Firemac says "Citizen Kane is overrated. There I said it."

Slvc says "I've never seen Citizen Kane and I don't really have a desire to, but I think it's great how it's fashioned like the old style RPG games"

And boy does it go on and on. What do I think? I don't have to! So many poeple have already told me what the point of the game was, and it sure wasn't the actual game, was it? Man, I wish all reviews could be this easy.

The point of the game was to make fun of that trope and of weird video game adaptations and have fun battles where you fight sharks dressed as nurses. You can make out with a beaver, so it's a game right up your alley Charbro. You should try it!

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Super Walrus Land: Mouth Words Edition

Ep1cQuest - Proem Pack

Hawk, this game isn't downloading for me. None of the screenshots on the game's page are either. Maybe Ep1cLuis's webzone is offline?

I'll take a shot in the dark about the game based purely on the lenghty description:

It's an ambitious game that wants to cover more than the developers could hope to acheive and will probably never be finished without cutting a lot of corners and getting serious about limiting the scope and design. It's based on a huge storyline that is likely not yet written outside of a rough outline.

And it involves cards? Forget what I said, could be great. Would like to see what they have so far.

Space Robot

It's exactly like the description says.

GET THE HIGH SCORE

Like Wild Guns, it takes a bit of rewiring your perception because you don't have to dodge enemies but where they shoot shown by exclamation marks. It's very well scripted and drawn, but alas it's a tech demo. Open letter to RMSephy...

Dear Real Mayonnaise,

I yield to your superior ability. I concede and submit. You have shown me again and again you can make good game models. But can you please make one that has it all from start to finish? Story, sections, some narrative, an ending...

Maybe it was the one I skipped. Maybe I have it all wrong. It might cost me, but I have to go back and actually play Alice is Trapped.

Alice is Trapped

Amazing. Was actually kind of fun. Don't get used to this, but a list of things I liked:

- Autosaves your progress and level, so when you die (and you will), and it starts you from the beginning, you can keep on

- Extremely imaginative. Example: have to find rules that once read take effect, like not going back a room. When you do, you fight your shadow. Each time you win, the shadow gets stronger until it kills you even if you do cheat.

- Secret passages and zelda map scrolls. There's even a secret passage between the boys and girls bathroom!

- Neat setups like having to test which potion won't kill you by using it on a mouse. Catch is, once you find the right one and test it, have to defeat super mouse. And then that frog... is like the pyramid head of the ohr. Was great!

A+

Stenmele Osmium v4

I want to cover something outside the game first, before even playing. That website you have to download it from, EVOSCreations.com, is way too over-engineered. Doesn't even render right in my browser. I can appreciate the effort to appear professional, like a real game company, but I can't help but wonder if this is part or most of the fantasy here. Man, reminds me of the good ol days.

In the readme, where it lists the contact email, it says "(we will get an email address jus for EVOS in the future. BE PATIENT!!)" and NO I CANT WAIT why don't you fools have a emal jus for EVOS yet? HUH??? HUUUUUUUH why do i put up with this jeez

It full-screens the moment you run it. That was unwanted

OK the story thus far... Ra Koysdak is searching for Hymic crystals and is the warrior of a thosand years. He has to make a choice that has some weight and uh Stenmele means freedom in the native tongue. In battle you can Radium cut or shift blades or bowtech flex. Game starts in a gray cave dungeon.

In a gray cave dungeon. Walking around. Getting into fights with spiders. Sorry, they're "Spithers". Welp, look at the time. Uh, what a game. Too much of a game for me. Always like it when everything is spelled in native tongues that aren't my tongue. I don't feel any shame closing the game that way.

You know, you never did review AR-PUH-GUH!.

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dOn'T MiNd mE! i'M jUsT CoNtAgIoUs!!!
Play Orbs CCG: http://orbsccg.com/r/4r6x

Alice is Trapped
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6155

Ace of Swords
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6152

Unofficial 2013 Great Review Contest Random Game Chooser
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6153


BONUS:
ihopeifinisthis.rpg
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=107015#107015

How about my special prize for reviewing all the games can be to review AR-PUH-GUH?

Playing so many 2013 ohr games has given me a new ability, check it out...

Does AR-PUH-GUH, translated, happen to spell R-P-G? Like a boss

And wow, that drama in Spoon's Unofficial Review Contest Game Random Chooser review... I would like to see more. Is like Friday Fight Nights. And Spoon, you can't stop! Gotta go all the way. When everybody's up in your grill, I right there, believing in you. Remember that.

Gomez Poker

- The music reminds of Review Contest Random Game Chooser
- You play as Dog Face
- There's Pot in this game
- uses Yen symbol instead of dollar sign
- Mouse control
- Has a Metal Gear mode
- When you win, it abruptly cuts away to a secret message

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's poker! What more can you say? Playable, it exists, Gomer Gomez went for it and got it. He don't need your words, he don't need your review. Man's got esteem and Respect. Do what he wants. It's poker, damn it. It's like asking me to review Ohr Tetris or Ohr Pacman.

Please review OHR Tetris and OHR Pacman.

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Mega Tact v1.1
Super Penguin Chef
Wizard Blocks

Mogri, don't try me. Man, I'm like on The Edge man. I'm on the edge and I'll pull that trigger. Don't make me do it! I told them i'd review the games I TOLD THEM hahhale ;halhk;lhkrehakl; he;akld;aj kl;jdagkl;;aj i hit the buttons and words pop up haahl;sh;sh ahahahaha HAHAH please hlpe me

Fool's Quest against the All-Seeing-Eye

In the readme, it says it has voice acting by Meowskivich. I'm so hyped. You don't understand, IM SO HYPED DOG! It also has this:

"Motivation: The motvation hit my one monday morning in July, while
traveling on tram."

That's really neat, but what exactly was the motivation? Is a curious thing to say. Like, the motivation for me reviewing all these games hit me one day in May (*edit - it's may! holy moly*), after being summoned by Meowski and slapping myself like an idiot to snap out of it.

Speaking of that, boy, I wonder what JSH thinks of these games? What about Mogri, hM? I bet he has words to exchange.

***

This has to have some of the most happy battle music I have ever heard. I'm not quitting until I hear that voice acting. This is the mantra I repeat to myself while I slide the sprite around (no walking animation. on a two frame sprite. where you can just, you know, flip it. nope.)

The wannabe nix (neat sprite actually, very tiny though) killed me and I got a screen that said it was all a nightmare. And game over, back to the title screen? I'm not quitting. I'm not a quitter.

***

I'm not quitting. There's voice acting. I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting.....

Eventually after one-tile wide wall path (...) you make it into Laugthing. There's a sign that says talk to people twice. Next to the sign there is a person. Who says the same thing if you talk twice. Hrnng. nnnnnnnnnn hgrnnnnnnn Suck it in, be like a cat in a box. Pull yourself together man. So many houses. Such map. Wow.

Ok, so there's someone you have to give water to (assumption) but you need a bucket. It costs 25$, you have 5$ (skipping the battles on the way here...) Maybe if I sell all my equipment... I give her water, and they talk. Nothing happens. What do? Can't quit. what do i dooooooo no i'm not crying. I'm not going to cry. Bite it back. Damn it hold it in. Walking over the doors does nothing. I bet Meowski's voice is amazing. Totally worth it. Why do i feel like crying. It's a sinking feeling, like despair. There's floating eyes and you can't talk to them, but they'll stop when you try. They're everywhere. I can't leave the town. I can't get out. I found candy in the moat. Getting hard to breath in here. Jesus, what did I do? I'm sorry, i'm so sorry. The puppet tells me to find whoever lost all those eyes. Whatever I did to deserve this... what did i do TELL ME

***

The game has a charming tone and premise. You play a fool with a talking puppet who helps you on your way. While the graphics might seem simple, they're very charming. The text is also charming. This game is full of charm.

OHR Tetris
http://www.castleparadox.com/gamelist-display.php?game=1005


By OHR Pacman
Do you mean this?

Pac Man OHR
http://www.castleparadox.com/ohr/gamelist-display.php?game=342

edit: or this?
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewgame.php?t=3867
and this
http://www.slimesalad.com/forum/viewgame.php?t=3859

this maybe?
http://www.castleparadox.com/gamelist-display.php?game=990

Back to Basics Collection 1: Save The Princess

Let's start things off right. In the game's description, there are certain words in bold:

*** Back to Basics Collection
*** inspired from the Dragon Warrior game
*** please do not call it that Dragon Warrior game
*** unfinished product, unlocked
*** no plotscripts whatsoever

The author says to feel free to post any questions or comments. Alright, let's play!

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Ok, so, this is totally a Dragon Warrior game. Can see a little Final Fantasy in there too. I happen to have some back to basics myself, will share:

*** Never put two speakers in the same text box
*** Do not cram a lot of lines in the same text box, smaller chunks is better
*** When making a font, don't stretch some letters and not others, you want consistency
*** If you use black outlines for sprites, make sure to use them for every sprite
*** Don't use fantasy names (like Obragap or Maltius) just cause, be careful with throwing them around

Those maptiles...

*** If you're going to rip graphics, try to keep the ratio 1:1 else it looks sloppy
*** Bigger maps don't mean better, all this walking and nothing to do or see
*** Don't make the entire world map before you have an idea of what you're going to do with it just cause

And it's okay to script. The ohr aint never going back to those days. It's a good thing. Kinda have to plotscript now, helps get to what you want, makes you the boss, not the engine. The whole point is to make the games you want to make, and the engine is your buddy. Like me. Your best buddy. Don't you ever forget that.