The "I'm writing a book" thread

[Sazae]

Thanks so much, guys, it means a lot. I am having trouble with figuring out where to start the story and if I should cut out the first chapter. If you have the time, I would greatly appreciate reading the first two chapters. If you do, let me know if you think that I should cut out chapter one.

Here's the link to a Google docs, https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k9u ... sp=sharing you can comment if you want but you don't have to. You can always message me here, too, or just reply. Whatever works for you!

Thank you once again.

[kylekrack]

What kind of feedback are you looking for? Just overall, big picture stuff? I don't want to bother you with minor grammatical suggestions if that's not where you're at right now.

[kylekrack]

Well, I got sucked into that! I like your style; I always find that I really enjoy when authors get really detailed about very short moments. It makes the connection with the characters much stronger, because you get a deeper sense of what they're feeling when you describe someone's internal thoughts, or deductions they make about someone else's body language, etc. I had no idea what to expect from this, but I appreciated the exposition of chapter 1. I think it painted a clear picture of who Mallory is and what her relationships are like. Chapter 2 felt like a swing in a completely different direction at first, but now I feel the momentum of the story. Ultimately, I like how it starts decidedly mundane throughout chapter 1, without any real inciting incident. It makes the incident in chapter 2 more impactful because the world's already been established.

[Pepsi Ranger]

I'm going to leave comments on the draft. I find it's easier to give real-time feedback that way. (I'm listed as zippywings.)

I'll read the whole document, but maybe not all at once.

[Sazae]

Thank you for the feedback, all! It really helps me figure out what to do with the story going forward with multiple perspectives. To answer the question on what feedback I'm looking for in case it gets asked again: I'm only looking for bigger picture stuff for now! Thanks once again. I really appreciate it.

[kylekrack]

I'm writing a book!

I finally committed to writing more about Nuora Stoneheart. I'm continuing straight from the first part I wrote, with Nuora and the Mournblade. I have the entire story plotted out pretty concretely, and I'm very happy with it. Only the first chapter is beyond a rough draft, though. Here's an excerpt! Thanks to everyone in here for being role models and inspiring me to write.

As Nuora watched from the doorway, Brightfury shifted into an aggressive stance, then screamed as he thrust his blade forward and upward. He then stepped to the side and pulled away his blade for Nuora to see the Tsar fall forward onto his knees, blood gushing from his open throat. Nuora's mouth went dry, and she jolted backwards involuntarily. Brightfury snapped his head around at the sound of Nuora's foot scuffing across the stone floor. His sword followed his gaze, the thrill of violence tightening his senses. After seeing who was watching him, Brightfury relaxed and chuckled.

"We have a spectator, I see," he called out to Nuora. "Come, young one. I have some questions for you."

Nuora wanted desperately to turn and run, but her legs betrayed her. She thought she'd be used to violence like this, but as a scholar, she had never been on a battlefield. She couldn't move.

"Go fetch her," Brightfury commands to the courtier nearest the door to the throne room. They looked at Brightfury for a moment, as if contemplating. Evidently, they decided they didn't want to cross Brightfury at this time, and walked toward Nuora.

Nuora felt the courtier step behind her and nudge her forward. She complied.

Thoughts raced through her mind. Surely, he won't kill her just for witnessing this. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't blackmail Brightfury with her knowledge, and he certainly knew that. However, he held all the power here. She already knew Brightfury was not a merciful man, and perhaps he wasn't satisfied with just one kill today. Nuora's jaw was clenched so tightly it began to hurt. The courtier brought Nuora in front of Brightfury, then stepped off to the side. Brightfury wiped and sheathed his sword: a deliberate display of armistice.

"Name," Brightfury said curtly.

"Stoneheart," Nuora answered. "Scholar and apprentice to the royal necromancers."

Brightfury frowned for a moment. "You would have been below," he deduced. "Tell me, Stoneheart, how are you here?"

"Magic, sir," Nuora said hesitantly. "I teleported."

Brightfury turned and pointed to a robed courtier near the throne. She was a high mage and direct advisor to the now deceased Tsar. "You told me the Catalyst blew and killed everyone on the lower levels."

The mage shrugged desperately and opened her mouth to speak.

"No," Brightfury gestured not to speak. "I want to hear from our sneaky friend here. Why aren't you dead, Stoneheart?"

"I-I'm not sure," Nuora answered honestly. "I just shielded against it and hoped for the best. When I opened my eyes everyone around me was dead."

Brightfury leaned forward and squinted. He peered into Nuora's eyes for an unbearingly long moment. Eventually he stepped back and sighed.

"She's lying or there's something she failed to notice," Brightfury said to the room, but looking at no one in particular as if speaking to himself. "I will find out which, Stoneheart. You will help me bring this city to its knees, bring order to these lost people in a way our pathetic leader was unwilling to do."

That wasn't an offer. It was a threat. Not only did Nuora have no interest in 'bringing this city to its knees,' she had a strong hunch that her interrogation would not be painless. She had to get out of here somehow.

[Bob the Hamster]

Get out, Nuora! Get out! Try to teleport again!

This is cool, and I'm glad you are writing it!

Sazae! I read your two chapters and I like them. After much thought, I think you are starting in the right place. The first chapter does seem like it is leading to an office drama, or career-romance or something like that, whereas the second chapter dives into the family history and the hint of the supernatural which I expect to be the meat of the story.

Normally I might say jump right into the second chapter, but the first one is worth keeping because it does such a good job of establishing the main character, and it does a good job of establishing the time period. You never said what year this was, but the descriptions of people's clothes and the technology established the time period pretty well.

That being said, if somebody pulls out a smartphone in a later chapter, I'm gonna be super confused :D

[kylekrack]

Get out, Nuora! Get out! Try to teleport again!

Funny you mention that... Here's the very next paragraph.

Nuora's mind began racing. Impulsively, her hand began tracing the gesture for teleportation. She realized she couldn't do that, however. She'd spent most of her magic power using the Mournblade and teleporting up to the castle. Weaker spells flickered through her thoughts. Blinding dust? No, there are too many people in here, she could only blind one, maybe two of them. Curse her scholarly history. She didn't learn spells for combat! But, one option comes to mind.

Nuora hated this spell. She hated using it, she hated the concept of it, and she swore against using it again. The situation was too dire to allow morality, though. Nuora stepped back nervously and raised her hand toward the Tsar's corpse.

I do try to avoid blatant plot holes. Also thank you! I'm still making good progress on it and continuing to feel very inspired for it.

[Pepsi Ranger]

As of today, the Kindle Vella platform is now available to readers, which means that my story, The Hybrid City Entrepreneur, based on my game Entrepreneur: The Beginning, is now live. Or, at least the first ten episodes are live, with new episodes releasing every Friday (beginning on July 23) until the season finale is live, sometime in October.

If you're unfamiliar with Kindle Vella, it's a new episodic story platform by Amazon that allows you to read three episodes of any story free, then asks you to unlock additional episodes with tokens, which you buy in bulk (though right now they're giving away 200 free tokens because it's promo season and we're all new here). Each token is good for 100 words, so an episode that runs for 2000 words will cost 20 tokens.

If any of you enjoy writing episodic fiction, I'd give Kindle Vella a try, especially if you're the kind of person who can stick with things until they're finished. But if you're the kind of person who enjoys reading fiction, you should totally check out my story because I need the support!!! I mean, because, it's totally rad (and based in the 1980s, back when "totally rad" actually meant something).

Note: Kindle Vella is available only in the United States at the moment, so those of you in Canada or elsewhere will have to wait a little longer to use it (sorry, James). But I'm sure your moment is coming, so keep an eye on Kindle Vella's progress. Once they're done running their experiments on us American writers, the rest of you should get your time to shine.

Anyway, if you wanted to experience Buck Star's story without having to serve a bunch of ungrateful and lost OHR members cups and cups of terrible coffee, then this is one way to do that.

[Bob the Hamster]

First of all, Cool!

Second of all, dang their region-locking, dang it all the way to heck! Looks like I am now too Canadian to read American things. I guess I'll go drown my sorrows in a shot glass of real maple syrup

[Pepsi Ranger]

I guess I'll go drown my sorrows in a shot glass of real maple syrup

And down it with a piece of Canadian bacon!

P.S. Vella authors are going through a spasm at the moment, since discoverability on Vella is just as bad, if not worse, as it is on regular KDP. Maybe wait a short while for Amazon to work out the kinks (if they'll even bother addressing them) before throwing your hat in the ring. As of now, the only authors getting reads and likes are the ones who already have established followings. The rest of us are caught in the middle of a sea, waiting for a life preserver from a boat that left in 2010. Some authors aren't even appearing in the search because each category has a display limit of 40 pages and 24 books per page, and their books have somehow fallen behind that wall. (Fortunately, my book appears on Page 4 of the teen and young adult category when searched by popularity, but seeing as how my first episode got just three reads, I'm not sure that placement did my book much good--I imagine it's even worse for those who show up way the heck back or not at all.)

No telling if/when Amazon will listen to the authors' complaints.

Just thought I'd give you all a head's up in case you take my earlier advice and write for the platform. I may be retracting that advice if they don't level the playing field better, and soon.

I'm still going to finish my story on the platform, then wait the 30 days to republish it as an e-book and paperback (and that won't be region-locked!), but whether I come back to the platform for the sequel(s) will depend on how things shake out in the coming weeks.