Chapter 1: First Draft

For the collaboration game.

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Momoka
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Chapter 1: First Draft

Post by Momoka »

Okay. While the outline document contains general ideas and themes for the game, this is explicitly to get down the details of the first chapter. I'm gonna post a full thing, but feel free to reject it outright and say the game should start in space or whatever. This is a first draft, written almost live, and nothing is set in stone, even in my own mind. Obviously, the name is going to change, at the very least :D

I'm also kind of rushing it so we have SOMETHING everyone else can do. There'll be a train robbery, you'll have to fight guards, this'll be your party, you see the robots, and you escape via hot-air ballon after a dramatic confrontation with Sheriff Jack Hansom. Everything else is details.

Some of this is game-y, others is setting the mood. I'm sure we can work gameplay into this pretty easily, at the very least in the form of guards.

Vacca Robota Episode 1, Chapter 1, The Top Rail Train Robbery

Death Valley. High noon. The Metal Chariot, a new and extremely fancy locomotive, races across the desert at a blinding speed. A group of horsemen start riding out ahead of it. They are the Maleficent Seven, the meanest whoresons North of the Rio Grande. They ride alongside the train, and one by one, leap from their horses onto the carriages. They climb to the top of the train while it's still in motion

Reagan Flaherty: All right, boyos. Just like we planned. We'll go ahead and stop the train. The rest o' ya earn your breakfast.

Reagan, Richard, and Robert Flaherty, the gang leaders, run ahead to stop the car, leaving the other four as the the battle party. Thugs O'Malley, the gang's muscle, who once arm-wrestled a bear for ten dollars and a night with it. Doctor Jesse Custard, who patched up the gang in exchange for money to support his morphine habit. Sherry Bourbon, whose skills of seduction were matched only by her knowledge of explosives. Malcom Outlaw, new to the gang, about which the others knew a lot less than they were comfortable with (except Thugs, who enjoyed ignorance). They slide down to the door of the rear car, which Thugs punches open.

Jesse Custard, MD: All right, everyone put your hands up! This is...a....

The car is full of armed sheriffs, on their way to the SherrifCon 1885.

Jesse Custard, MD: ....A test...of what to do if you get robbed. Good job. You all pass. We'll be moseying on off and leaving you on your way.

Sheriff Jack Hansom: It's the Maleficent Seven! Get 'em!

Jesse Custard, MD: ....Bollocks. Scarper!

The four turn tail and run into another car, full of passengers.

Malcolm Outlaw: Help! We're being chased by bandits!

That utterly fails to convince anyone. They run up to the front of the car, but a lawman's is waiting.

Sherry Bourbon: We've been set up, fellas.

Thugs O'Malley: Fight!

Battle. They run into the next car, and lock the door behind them. It's full of crates. On the wall are metal men, full of gears

Jesse: The World Of Tomorrow Exposition goods. This what we came here for.

Malcom: Yes, that's wonderful. Anyone have a plan about how to deal with all the guys who want to arrest us?

Jesse: Feeling pressure? If you want, the adults will handle it. Let's check these crates, and see if any of this junk is useful.

Sherry: Don't mind him, hon. He just likes handling people's junk.

Jesse: Shut up and look around

Everyone does just that

Thugs: What are these suits?

Everyone stares at the metal men

Malcolm: They're....mechanical men....

Thugs: Why would anyone want a steam powered man?

Sherry: I can think of a few reasons...

Jesse: I thought we were trying to escape. Look for USEFUL things, not mannequins.


There's going to be a dramatic boss fight with a sheriff, and they escape with an automatic gyroscopic flight hat, which breaks about ten seconds after they lift off, but gets them off the train safely, into a desert area.

Sorry about the lameness of this. I fully intend to edit this quite a bit to make it less bland, but I think the point is made.
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Blue Train
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Post by Blue Train »

Man, I've been putting this off for WAY too long.

I'm going to start working on portrait graphics and maptiles ASAP! I really dig the begining, and think it's about time we get this game into full speed. Half the summers already over!
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Momoka
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Post by Momoka »

I'm not too worried about the timeline. Summer is a BADRILLION DEGREES, and Boston's been hit with two heat waves in a row. I might come back to the project this weekend (since I refuse to leave my house in this weather), though. I just can't muster any energy at all. I'll reread what I have then, too. It's been long enough that I can view it as an outsider.

What I really want is criticism. ANYTHING you have a problem with in the script, no matter how tiny or insignificant, point it out. I want to write the best script possible, and I'm not going to do that by basking in my own awesome sauce.

I should really get a full outline of the game's plot, too. Weekend.
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Post by Skullduggery Studios »

Jesse: Shut up and look around
You're missing a period.
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Post by Blue Train »

I really wouldnt call that constructive critizism...
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Momoka
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Post by Momoka »

Blue Train wrote:I really wouldnt call that constructive critizism...
I would. While typos would hopefully be corrected when the dialouge was turned into text boxes, it's useful to catch them here.
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Post by Skullduggery Studios »

I really wouldnt call that constructive critizism...
Hey, that was the only problem I found with it. Plus, he did say this:
ANYTHING you have a problem with in the script, no matter how tiny or insignificant, point it out.
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Momoka
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Post by Momoka »

You can also feel free to yell at me for my complete lack of any progress on anything. The East Coast has gotten hit with two consecutive heatwaves, so I'm extremely lathargic :zombie:

GET MOTIVATED, ME
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Post by Blue Train »

CMON MAN! HEAT WAVES SHOULD BE HELPING YOU GET INSPIRED BY THE WEST IF ANYTHING!

IM ON THE EAST COAST TOO! IT AINT THAT BAD!
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Post by Momoka »

I'd like to see those maptiles you've been working on, if it ain't that bad >:(

Okay, more! Straight from my brain to your screen. I just want this goddamn scene done. I'll fix the dialouge later.


Thugs: Why would anyone want a steam powered man?

Sherry: I can think of a few reasons...

Jesse: I thought we were trying to escape. Look for USEFUL things, not mannequins.

****GAMEPLAY AND NPCS*****
The player takes control of Malcolm, who can now explore the room. The other three gangsters stand near the piles of stuff, examining them

If the player talks to Thugs
Thugs: Look a' these 'squisite chinaman dolls. I wonder iffan we can smash people's heads in with 'em

If the player talks to Jesse
Jesse: Most of this is worthless, and the rest of it is junk. If we're lucky, maybe some of it explodes. Maybe we just detach this car from the train, and just walk off. Can we do it without getting shot, though?

If the player talks to Scarlett
Scarlett: Don't mind me, hon. I'm just looking at these "cures for female hysteria"
Malcolm: That don't sound much productive
Scarlett: It'll be alright, sugar! Don't sound so worried, we've gotten out of worse than this.

If the player examines a weapon rack
STEAM POWERED SHOTGUN! THE RATE OF FIRE MAY BE LOW, BUT THE PEACE POTENTIAL IS VERY HIGH

Acquired SteamGun!
The Steam Powered Shotgun is a powerful, hits-all-enemies weapon. But not only does it lower your speed (A shotgun trait generally?), it stuns you momentarily after using it. If used as an item outside of battle, it calls a text box explaining this, which depends on the battle system. I'm not sure how ammo will come into play, if it will at all

If the player examines a jetpack-looking thing
THE AUTOKINETON! THIS STEAM POWERED AEROATION INDUCER WILL REPLACE FOREVER THE HORSE! BEHOLD THE TRANSPORT OF TOMORROW, AND WEEP AT ITS MAJESTY!

Malcom: Hm. This looks useful.

Jesse: You got a plan, kid?

Malcom: I think I do. We can strap these on, and fly out of here.

Jesse: Son, that's a terrible plan.

Scarlett: You have a better one?

Jesse: ...No. But it's still a terrible plan.

Black screen of screen transitions. The four are now wearing steam-powered Jetpacks, and standing in front of the now-open door out of the train

Jesse: I reiterate my initial assessment of this plan.

Thugs: I like the plan.

Jesse: I re-reiterate my initial assessment of this plan.

The door to the next car bursts open. The marshall and two lawmen enter

Marshall: Maleficent Seven! You're under arrest for crimes against man!

Jesse: But the worst plan we can think of is still the best one we've got. Geronimo!

They jump out of the train and fly away

Marshall:.....

Lawmen: .....

Marshall: Boys, I reckon that I hate those fellas.

Black screen of scene transitions. The four have crashed, the Jetpacks running out of gas almost immediately (Can we show this?)

Jesse: ....Ow.

Thugs: ....Ow.

Scarlett: ....Ow.

Malcolm: ....Oh man.

Jesse: I would like to quadra-iterate-

Malcolm: Shut up, Jesse.

Scarlett: You think the Flaherty boys made it out?

Thugs: I'm hopin' they do

Malcom: We're not going to find out if we lie around here. Let's get to town.

First Dungeon: Death Valley

Any ideas for the first dungeon?
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Post by Skullduggery Studios »

Couple suggestions:

Yours:
Thugs: Look a' these 'squisite chinaman dolls. I wonder iffan we can smash people's heads in with 'em
Mine: Thugs: Looka these 'squisite chin'man dolls. I wonder iffan we can smash people's heads in wiffem.


Yours:
STEAM POWERED SHOTGUN! THE RATE OF FIRE MAY BE LOW, BUT THE PEACE POTENTIAL IS VERY HIGH
Mine: (Same thing, but add an exclamation mark to the end.)


Yours:
Marshall: Boys, I reckon that I hate those fellas.
Mine: Marshall: Boys, I reckon I hate them fellas...


As you can see, my suggested changes aren't that major. I really, really like the direction this script is going so far, though. Keep it up.

P.S. I know what you mean. I'm on the east coast, too, and I got... well... check my Heart of Darkness thread.
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Post by Momoka »

I reject your first suggestion (I don't wanna make Thugs too stupid, and that accent would get tedious after a while), but accept the other two.

If we ditch Thugs early in the game, I'll rewrite his dialouge to make it dumber.

Is the Jet Pack thing too Deus Ex Machina, or can we get away with it because it's the first ten minutes of the game?
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Post by Spoonweaver »

Are any of the graphics for this done yet? I'd love to see them.
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Post by Skullduggery Studios »

Is the Jet Pack thing too Deus Ex Machina
Huh? Wuzzat?

Are any of the graphics for this done yet? I'd love to see them.
Who's doing them?
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Post by Blue Train »

Spoonweaver wrote:Are any of the graphics for this done yet? I'd love to see them.
No.



But, now that I see everyone else is more focused on this, I'll work up alot of them tonight.
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