I don't see many movies, but a $5.50 theater was showing this tonight and a couple friends and I went. I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone here, but this movie was atrocious. Almost certainly the worst movie I've ever seen. A few of the background ideas and plot twists could have been worthwhile, but the actual writing is terrible, the pacing is horrific, the dialogue is mind-numbing, and the scenes that were in this movie truly make me believe that editors should be mandatory for all things ever. And if there actually was an outside editor who worked on this film, he should be beaten with chains and then fired.
That is all.
Oh wait, the movie is fun to quote the Blues Brothers to while they are running around in Chicago.
Transformers 3 is for making fun of with your friends
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Fenrir-Lunaris
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But the purpose of ALL Tranformers media is NOT to entertain, but to sell toys. Optimus Prime gets his trailer finally. Why? Because the inside of it is filled with all kinds of nifty gizmos he can use to further increase his fighting prowess. Why does he go back to it for his flight upgrades? Not because he needs to fly to take out Shockwave and his Lovecraftian Planet Borer. Because the flight mode is a toy add-on that costs an extra $29.99.
Same thing with Bumblebee's new all-terrain battletank/car mode. They just needed to showcase a new toy feature. Car -> Battletank -> Robot. Admittedly, it looks cool.
How the hell does Soundwave go from communications satellite to $200000 car? That's NOT an upgrade. At least the movie has Laserbeak, and he rules. Practically steals the first half of the movie with just how awesome he is. Same with Ravage in Transformers 2. And that boombox robot in the first one. This is why Soundwave is so cool - he's the master of his own private army of Decepticon Black Ops.
And Megatron's tranformation into some beatup Mad Max truck takes a bit of thinking to do. He goes from a lofty position, of being supreme commander of the Decepticons in movie 1 - and he's a flying alien strike fighter there - every other transformer at least has an Earth analogue, but not him (he thinks of himself as being so far above humanity, who cares about those insects). By the second movie he's lost his flight mode - dying knocked him down a couple of pegs. But tanks still kick slime. By the third movie, he's still running around with the injuries he sustained in the last movie (they apparently don't have a Decepticon version of Ratchet). His mentor gets brutally put down by HIS nemesis and there's nothing he can do to stop it, Starscream keeps running away RIGHT when he has an advantage, and he keeps losing troops to those putrid insects called humans. Is it any wonder that Megatron is a complete wreck mentally and physically by the third movie?
I love that Nimoy is back in a robot. He sounds so old and tired though, which is probably the exact reason he managed to get the part he did. If they make a fourth movie (whenever they feel the need to sell more toys), I wouldn't put it past them to dig up and reanimate the corpse of Orson Welles. Because really, who's left in the Transformers lineup of bad guys who isn't dead?
Same thing with Bumblebee's new all-terrain battletank/car mode. They just needed to showcase a new toy feature. Car -> Battletank -> Robot. Admittedly, it looks cool.
How the hell does Soundwave go from communications satellite to $200000 car? That's NOT an upgrade. At least the movie has Laserbeak, and he rules. Practically steals the first half of the movie with just how awesome he is. Same with Ravage in Transformers 2. And that boombox robot in the first one. This is why Soundwave is so cool - he's the master of his own private army of Decepticon Black Ops.
And Megatron's tranformation into some beatup Mad Max truck takes a bit of thinking to do. He goes from a lofty position, of being supreme commander of the Decepticons in movie 1 - and he's a flying alien strike fighter there - every other transformer at least has an Earth analogue, but not him (he thinks of himself as being so far above humanity, who cares about those insects). By the second movie he's lost his flight mode - dying knocked him down a couple of pegs. But tanks still kick slime. By the third movie, he's still running around with the injuries he sustained in the last movie (they apparently don't have a Decepticon version of Ratchet). His mentor gets brutally put down by HIS nemesis and there's nothing he can do to stop it, Starscream keeps running away RIGHT when he has an advantage, and he keeps losing troops to those putrid insects called humans. Is it any wonder that Megatron is a complete wreck mentally and physically by the third movie?
I love that Nimoy is back in a robot. He sounds so old and tired though, which is probably the exact reason he managed to get the part he did. If they make a fourth movie (whenever they feel the need to sell more toys), I wouldn't put it past them to dig up and reanimate the corpse of Orson Welles. Because really, who's left in the Transformers lineup of bad guys who isn't dead?
To friends long gone, and those I've yet to meet - thank you.
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Shadowiii
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The whole Transformers thing was "Wow, this is my childhood, BUT HARDCORE!" That gimmick worked for one movie, but everything past that seems they are trying too hard (and I can't watch the first movie anymore).
I guess if you are a special effects junky they are nice, but I play video games so...yeah.
I guess if you are a special effects junky they are nice, but I play video games so...yeah.
Luigi is almost as sexy as me!
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Pepsi Ranger
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Quasi-spoilers ahead.
This would also be a good movie to introduce the live action versions of our old animated movie friends, Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod, and Kup. The Unicron subplot will probably get attempted in time, but I don't know how eager Industrial Light and Magic, or whoever does the effects for the future movies, is to blow up its computer rendering software, so I wouldn't imagine them trying it too soon.
Anyway, I said all that to voice my opinion of these movies.
I'm certainly biased because this was my favorite toy line growing up, and despite how bad the cartoon was, it, too, was my favorite growing up. Seeing the Transformers in live action for the first time four years ago was a dream come true. I didn't actually mind that the vehicle modes were updated for 2007. I've always believed they should've acknowledged the year 1984 somewhere in the story (perhaps the year that Bumblebee came to earth), just because that's when all of this began, but I'm okay with the fact that they didn't. It's a trivial thing, really. In the end, I thought they did a great job with the original considering the angle they played on it. It was a smart way to bring in the general audiences rather than to alienate them from the fanboys (who usually can't be pleased anyway).
When Revenge of the Fallen came out, I was excited...and then let down. I accepted its failures because the writer's strike of 2007-2008 promised that it would suck (thank you Hollywood directors and producers who think writers haven't starved before and would cave to your stubbornness--thanks for being the instrument for ruining entire seasons of TV shows and a summer's worth of movies). But I couldn't enjoy it as much as I did the original. I didn't know the Fallen, or why I should accept him as a main villain. I thought for sure they'd run with Starscream as the lead bad guy for that one. They didn't. But even for all of its shortcomings--and the only thing that really bugged me about it, besides having an incomprehensible story, was the scene when he and Megatron have a pow wow with The Fallen on some asteroid--I still found a way to like it. And with the fans and critics panning it all over the map, I had to ask myself why I liked it. Then it occurred to me:
"Oh yeah, I didn't pay $10 to watch a competent story unfold. I paid it to see robots beating the crap out of other robots." And I got that! The jokes were retarded and I resent their presence in the film (not because they were jokes, but because they weren't funny). And I hated that it spent so much time on those lame twin robots that aren't even part of the canon (this is why I think it's a bad idea for fans to write the movies, because they always want to give their dreambots a role, and their dreambots tend to ruin the movie), and I hated more that we had little time to spend with the robots that are canon because of those freakin' twins. But I still got to relive childhood for three hours, so I got over it.
Fast forward to Dark of the Moon. I'll agree with the critics on one thing. It really was too long. I mean, it's no longer than the other two movies, but the pacing in this one really makes you feel it, and I wish they had spent three years working on this movie instead of two so that they could have the time to edit for pacing. I felt exhausted when it was over. Of course, it didn't help that I had to sit in the front row in Imax 3D (not recommended!). But I have to ignore them for everything else. Here's why:
A Transformers movie isn't meant to say something profound about the world. It isn't designed to encapsulate the elements of an engrossing story. It's a mindless action film designed to entertain (and push toys as some of you are saying), and it does just that. Granted, I admire the writer's attempt to make a decent story this time. And I think the ideas mostly paid off. In traditional Michael Bay form, however, there were too many threads left open to really agree that it was a complete film. How is it that in three movies, he still can't tell us what the heck happened to that Decepticon police car that was on its way to battle in the first film and was never seen or heard from again? But he still delivered on the things we know he can do--action, action, hot chicks, lame jokes, action. And the thing is, we all know that's what his movies are about, so why do we expect differently? I enjoyed the new movie because I knew what I was getting into, and expected only that. Movies with substance are welcome, and I love that Marvel Comics has been making those a lot lately (and DC if you consider the latest Batman movies). But I don't watch Transformers because I want a commentary on life. I don't watch it because I want to see actors in top form. I watch it because I want to see Optimus Prime tearing up Decepticons, and man did I get that this time around! Could Shockwave have been more prominent a character? Absolutely, but only because the studio hyped him as the main villain, which I can hardly defend now that I've seen the movie. Is reducing Soundwave to a Mercedes a bad move? No, it served the plot. He was still awesome. For crying out loud, he was a tape player in the original canon. Turning him into a satellite in the second film was too far of a jump. But to be fair, we can't exactly keep him as a satellite if he's on earth, can we? The Mercedes was a fair choice. I always figured they'd make him into a surveillance van, but what do I know about good writing? No, despite the abysmal pacing, the only other real problem I had with the movie was changing Mirage and Wheeljack's names to Dino and Que. Why in bloody heck they felt the need to change their names last minute is beyond me. Now they're just alienating fans.
I know they're bad movies, and I'm not here to defend them as good movies. I just wanted to defend them for doing what they set out to do, and that's to entertain minds in need of rest. It would've been nice if they didn't treat the deaths of fallen comrades so lightly, though. In fairness, the one principal Autobot that went down early on, I thought went down in the only way he could go down, and I appreciated the writers acknowledging that he's too tough to go down in a fair fight. Just wanted to say that because I think they were trying to make a good character movie this time. I just wish they had Optimus Prime lament over it for at least a few seconds. Nope, the teammate fell and that was that. That kinda pissed me off.
Anyway, I'm ending here because I can't believe I spent so much time writing about it.
Well, I thought about this last night, being the die hard Transformers fan since eight years old that I am, and while I agree that there isn't much more they can do without rebooting the franchise, which we all know that they will in time, I do think they can get a fourth movie out of the franchise pretty easily if they ship all the dead robots into space (to avoid housing the memories of their battles on Earth), and have another lost race of Autobots or Decepticons, or more realistically if we're following original myth, Junkions, recover the ship, reanimate the dead robots as metal zombies, and create the living likenesses of Galvatron, Cyclonus, Scourge, and anyone else that Hasbro wants to market in 2017, or whenever they have the energy to make a fourth movie. Of course, Optimus Prime will still be on earth, because where else does he and the Autobots have to go?, so when Galvatron comes down to earth for revenge, Prime will be waiting.Because really, who's left in the Transformers lineup of bad guys who isn't dead?
This would also be a good movie to introduce the live action versions of our old animated movie friends, Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod, and Kup. The Unicron subplot will probably get attempted in time, but I don't know how eager Industrial Light and Magic, or whoever does the effects for the future movies, is to blow up its computer rendering software, so I wouldn't imagine them trying it too soon.
Anyway, I said all that to voice my opinion of these movies.
I'm certainly biased because this was my favorite toy line growing up, and despite how bad the cartoon was, it, too, was my favorite growing up. Seeing the Transformers in live action for the first time four years ago was a dream come true. I didn't actually mind that the vehicle modes were updated for 2007. I've always believed they should've acknowledged the year 1984 somewhere in the story (perhaps the year that Bumblebee came to earth), just because that's when all of this began, but I'm okay with the fact that they didn't. It's a trivial thing, really. In the end, I thought they did a great job with the original considering the angle they played on it. It was a smart way to bring in the general audiences rather than to alienate them from the fanboys (who usually can't be pleased anyway).
When Revenge of the Fallen came out, I was excited...and then let down. I accepted its failures because the writer's strike of 2007-2008 promised that it would suck (thank you Hollywood directors and producers who think writers haven't starved before and would cave to your stubbornness--thanks for being the instrument for ruining entire seasons of TV shows and a summer's worth of movies). But I couldn't enjoy it as much as I did the original. I didn't know the Fallen, or why I should accept him as a main villain. I thought for sure they'd run with Starscream as the lead bad guy for that one. They didn't. But even for all of its shortcomings--and the only thing that really bugged me about it, besides having an incomprehensible story, was the scene when he and Megatron have a pow wow with The Fallen on some asteroid--I still found a way to like it. And with the fans and critics panning it all over the map, I had to ask myself why I liked it. Then it occurred to me:
"Oh yeah, I didn't pay $10 to watch a competent story unfold. I paid it to see robots beating the crap out of other robots." And I got that! The jokes were retarded and I resent their presence in the film (not because they were jokes, but because they weren't funny). And I hated that it spent so much time on those lame twin robots that aren't even part of the canon (this is why I think it's a bad idea for fans to write the movies, because they always want to give their dreambots a role, and their dreambots tend to ruin the movie), and I hated more that we had little time to spend with the robots that are canon because of those freakin' twins. But I still got to relive childhood for three hours, so I got over it.
Fast forward to Dark of the Moon. I'll agree with the critics on one thing. It really was too long. I mean, it's no longer than the other two movies, but the pacing in this one really makes you feel it, and I wish they had spent three years working on this movie instead of two so that they could have the time to edit for pacing. I felt exhausted when it was over. Of course, it didn't help that I had to sit in the front row in Imax 3D (not recommended!). But I have to ignore them for everything else. Here's why:
A Transformers movie isn't meant to say something profound about the world. It isn't designed to encapsulate the elements of an engrossing story. It's a mindless action film designed to entertain (and push toys as some of you are saying), and it does just that. Granted, I admire the writer's attempt to make a decent story this time. And I think the ideas mostly paid off. In traditional Michael Bay form, however, there were too many threads left open to really agree that it was a complete film. How is it that in three movies, he still can't tell us what the heck happened to that Decepticon police car that was on its way to battle in the first film and was never seen or heard from again? But he still delivered on the things we know he can do--action, action, hot chicks, lame jokes, action. And the thing is, we all know that's what his movies are about, so why do we expect differently? I enjoyed the new movie because I knew what I was getting into, and expected only that. Movies with substance are welcome, and I love that Marvel Comics has been making those a lot lately (and DC if you consider the latest Batman movies). But I don't watch Transformers because I want a commentary on life. I don't watch it because I want to see actors in top form. I watch it because I want to see Optimus Prime tearing up Decepticons, and man did I get that this time around! Could Shockwave have been more prominent a character? Absolutely, but only because the studio hyped him as the main villain, which I can hardly defend now that I've seen the movie. Is reducing Soundwave to a Mercedes a bad move? No, it served the plot. He was still awesome. For crying out loud, he was a tape player in the original canon. Turning him into a satellite in the second film was too far of a jump. But to be fair, we can't exactly keep him as a satellite if he's on earth, can we? The Mercedes was a fair choice. I always figured they'd make him into a surveillance van, but what do I know about good writing? No, despite the abysmal pacing, the only other real problem I had with the movie was changing Mirage and Wheeljack's names to Dino and Que. Why in bloody heck they felt the need to change their names last minute is beyond me. Now they're just alienating fans.
I know they're bad movies, and I'm not here to defend them as good movies. I just wanted to defend them for doing what they set out to do, and that's to entertain minds in need of rest. It would've been nice if they didn't treat the deaths of fallen comrades so lightly, though. In fairness, the one principal Autobot that went down early on, I thought went down in the only way he could go down, and I appreciated the writers acknowledging that he's too tough to go down in a fair fight. Just wanted to say that because I think they were trying to make a good character movie this time. I just wish they had Optimus Prime lament over it for at least a few seconds. Nope, the teammate fell and that was that. That kinda pissed me off.
Anyway, I'm ending here because I can't believe I spent so much time writing about it.
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NayusDante
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Fool me once, shame on Michael Bay.
Fool me twice, even more shame on Michael Bay.
Michael Bay can't fool me again. The first movie was too blurry, the second was too crude, I don't want to imagine what the third is. I'm just glad he's not destroying Gundam or Macross. Yet.
If there were no human characters in these films, I might actually be interested.
Fool me twice, even more shame on Michael Bay.
Michael Bay can't fool me again. The first movie was too blurry, the second was too crude, I don't want to imagine what the third is. I'm just glad he's not destroying Gundam or Macross. Yet.
If there were no human characters in these films, I might actually be interested.
I have a feeling I'm going to regret this.
SPOILERS
This was the only Transformer movie I've seen. And I'm gonna come right out and make a claim - the action is not that great. The final 'battle' feels like it lasts forever, and so little of it feels like it matters! I was actually somewhat excited about the humans being the ones to go for rocket-blasting the pillar thing, and then the building falls, and I was thinking "okay, there was more than enough time spent just dealing with this, but I'm having a good time, and I'm honestly wondering how they're gonna reach the pillar now." And then they don't end up using the rocket to destroy the pillar at all! In fact, the pillar they were aiming for isn't even important in the endgame!
The multiple threads of the battle don't connect or make sense at all. The Autobots are creating a diversion or something, but I don't get to see any of that, or whether it helped at all. Instead I get plenty of scenes of the humans either climbing stairs or panicking. Why? The US military sends in troops AND missiles. Do either of these things have a goal? I sure couldn't figure out what it was. I honestly have no clue what those flying guys were doing. Another distraction? And when the Navy Seals came up from out of the water, I nearly laughed out loud. An older black lady in front of me snorted, and I wanted to thank her for finding the same humor I found after the movie, but she was with her kids and I didn't want to ruin anything for them.
As a final point, the other thing that can carry an action sequence is the characters. Unfortunately this was a non-issue in this movie, except POSSIBLY Bumblebee, whose death would have maybe been an emotional moment. His rescue also could have been a great moment, but it comes from out of nowhere and I'm left feeling deus ex machina'd instead of relieved.
END SPOILERS
tl;dr - Pepsi thinks the movie can stand on its action sequences. I think even the action sequences are ruined by the problems I mentioned before.
SPOILERS
This was the only Transformer movie I've seen. And I'm gonna come right out and make a claim - the action is not that great. The final 'battle' feels like it lasts forever, and so little of it feels like it matters! I was actually somewhat excited about the humans being the ones to go for rocket-blasting the pillar thing, and then the building falls, and I was thinking "okay, there was more than enough time spent just dealing with this, but I'm having a good time, and I'm honestly wondering how they're gonna reach the pillar now." And then they don't end up using the rocket to destroy the pillar at all! In fact, the pillar they were aiming for isn't even important in the endgame!
The multiple threads of the battle don't connect or make sense at all. The Autobots are creating a diversion or something, but I don't get to see any of that, or whether it helped at all. Instead I get plenty of scenes of the humans either climbing stairs or panicking. Why? The US military sends in troops AND missiles. Do either of these things have a goal? I sure couldn't figure out what it was. I honestly have no clue what those flying guys were doing. Another distraction? And when the Navy Seals came up from out of the water, I nearly laughed out loud. An older black lady in front of me snorted, and I wanted to thank her for finding the same humor I found after the movie, but she was with her kids and I didn't want to ruin anything for them.
As a final point, the other thing that can carry an action sequence is the characters. Unfortunately this was a non-issue in this movie, except POSSIBLY Bumblebee, whose death would have maybe been an emotional moment. His rescue also could have been a great moment, but it comes from out of nowhere and I'm left feeling deus ex machina'd instead of relieved.
END SPOILERS
tl;dr - Pepsi thinks the movie can stand on its action sequences. I think even the action sequences are ruined by the problems I mentioned before.
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The Wobbler
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Newbie Newtype
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It was just like in the old cartoons, where Megan Fox was necessary to sell toys and merchandise.If there were no human characters in these films, I might actually be interested.
G SAVIOR 2.I'm just glad he's not destroying Gundam or Macross. Yet.
<TheGiz> oh hai doggy, oh no that's the straw that broke tjhe came baclsb
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NayusDante
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